Internet Robots Suggest Spinal Decompression
Greetings!
I’ve added four new backgrounds, including one that was actually drawn by hand.
Lately I’ve been exploring some get-rich-quick schemes. My favorite so far has been Google Adsense, which (theoretically) paid me $0.49 for doing nothing! Hurray! Sadly, I removed the advertisements once I learned that at my current rate of income it would have taken 16 years before I got my first check. Another hiccup in the plan was that the advertisements were totally unrelated to the content of the site. When I first posted the ads, I got some pretty hilarious results.
Buy a car! Date a Muslim! Buy some anti-wrinkle cream! Treat your spinal decompression! Ever wanted to have your DNA tested in the Netherlands? Now you can! Or perhaps since you enjoy free stationery you’d also like to purchase a cryogenic processor! It’s no wonder I didn’t make any damn money.
The robots used to index websites are not that bright, and my site has two things robots do not understand: images and eclecticism. Robots index text, ie not pictures, and this site is like 90% pictures. Also, when robots are confronted with posts like this one, entitled “Ricky Gervais in a Cavernous Laundromat,” their robot brains explode and they assume my visitors are viewing the post because they want to own their own laundromat. Despite having a wealth of original content and getting a healthy number of daily hits, search engines don’t seem to know quite what to do with me or my wacky site.
This is by no means a recent problem for me. Amazon.com’s robots seem to have the same problem when they recommend books for me to read. I know this because they suggested I read an English-Swahili dictionary and something written by Ann Coulter. No matter how much I tell the iTunes “Genius” that I don’t own or want to own any Frank Sinatra music, it never seems to learn. C’est la vie.
In conclusion, Google owes me 49 cents that I will never ever see. Google’s going on the same list as that kid in middle school who borrowed 50 cents from me and never paid it back. You know who you are.*
*Actually you probably don’t. But I hope you enjoyed your free chocolate milk.
Yours,
Sarah
Tags: ann coulter, backgrounds, chocolate milk, google adsense, robots, spinal decompression
April 5th, 2009 at 5:49 pm
When I was in junior high, the stoner kids were always “borrowing” change from me for the Coke machine. And, I was always passing out Bubble Yum to everyone. Until it was pulled from stores because it had the dreaded red dye #2 in it. (Your mention of the blackened pig lung has me thinking of 7th grade.) Anyway, I just found you through your embroideries on Feeling Stitchy and that led me to your blog (via Flickr). I’m really enjoying it!
April 13th, 2009 at 2:55 pm
Lol. This post made me laugh out loud.
I don’t know if you remember me but we took a class with Gail together back in the ol’ davis days. I have no idea how I found this site (probably facebook) but I’m happy to see that us designers are being productive.
Hope you’re well!
-Milan
milan.phan@gmail.com
April 20th, 2009 at 5:29 pm
Hi Milan! Of course I remember Gail’s class with you. Thanks for visiting my ridiculous little site. Congrats on snagging a design job in San Francisco, I’m so jealous! Glad that you’re doing well.
-Sarah